Chapter Three Continued…

He wasn’t one hundred percent sure what he was going to do when he reached the water.  He absolutely had contemplated the thought of just keep walking until he disappeared below the surface.  Erase himself for the world and let the insurance go to Judi so she can move on with her life.  But then he would have to go beyond ankle-deep.  Damn that movie!

Under his feet he realised the pebbles had changed to shingle and felt softer underfoot, within a few paces he felt the cold water hit his toes and the sand give way gently under his feet.  Maybe he could just stand here and eventually would sink beneath the sand.  He looked at his feet and given their current depth figured it would take possibly several months before that happened.  He would surely die of hyperthermia first. 

He stood and just enjoyed the sensation of the water running over his feet.  Back and forth.  Each time feeling the sand give under him ever so slightly as the wave rushed back to it’s body of water.  He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. The sun against his face was warming and he felt a moment of calmness.

Click.

He breathed out.

Click, click.

He turned to see what was making the noise.  A few metres away from him stood a youngish man with a camera.  He couldn’t quite see him well enough at first to see how young, but he assumed younger than himself.

“I’m sorry, I hope you don’t mind” the man called over.

“Excuse me?” Phillip asked, unsure what he was supposed to have minded about.

“It was such a lovely image I couldn’t resist.  You looked beautiful from behind in that pink cardie and slightly side lit by the sun.  I promise I didn’t get your face.”

“It’s ok”

“You looked so beautiful from back here, quite took my breath away.”

“I assume you say that to all the cardigan wearing middle-aged men you snap?”

“You’re definitively the first.  I hadn’t realised you were a man until you turned around.”

“I’m sorry to have disappointed you.”

The man gave a little smile “I never said I was disappointed.”

Phillip turned back to face the sea and feel the warmth on his face once more.  He didn’t want the photographer to see the tears forming in his eyes.

“I can delete them if you’d like me to?”

Phillip turned once more to find the man had come closer, they could both see each other clearly now.  He was definitely younger.  

And Phillip definitely had tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry if I’ve upset you!  I’ll delete…”

“No.  No, don’t do that.” Phillip interrupted.  “And you haven’t.  It’s been a bit of a morning is all.  May I see?”  He indicated towards the camera.

The man lifted the camera from his chest and turned it over to reveal a small screen.  He pressed a couple of buttons and the picture of Phillip, almost silhouetted staring out to see.  The sun was lighting him from the side and the cerise cardigan glowed in the warmth.  It was like a still from a romantic movie.

“You’re very good.”

“That’s very kind of you.  I bet you say that to all the men who make you look like a movie star!”

Phillip passed the camera back with a thank you and turned back to look at the water again.

A moment passed.

“Can I ask you something?” The man said.

“Sure.” Said Phillip without turning to look at him.

“You look sad.”

“That’s more of a statement than a question I believe.”

“It is”

“I am”

“If I walk away and leave you here what will you do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Will you walk in to the sea?”

“No.  Sharks!”

“I don’t think we get them.”

“Not a risk I’m prepared to take.”

“Is that a promise?”

“No such thing as promises.”

There was a pause.  Phillip continued to stare ahead.  He felt the man step away from his side and heard the sound of the pebbles clack under his feet as he walked away. 

Silence.

He was gone.

Phillip let a few tears silently fall down his face. He was ashamed of his last words to that kind man. He closed his eyes and focussed on the water on his feet and the warmth of the sun on his cheeks.  Was this it?  Had this been all his life was about.  A pathetic, miserable relationship for 23 years, no friends to speak of and a dull job.  And now he was going to somehow die in a discarded skirt and second-hand piece of knitwear. 

He wouldn’t be able to go too deep, maybe waist height and then he’d have to just fall backwards.  Maybe when he was found he’d look like Ophelia.  A poor man’s Ophelia atleast.  More tangled in seaweed than surrounded by flowers.   And there was certainly no Hamlet to mourn him.

He bent down and picked up a couple of handfuls of shingle and started filling the pockets of his cardigan, help weigh him down he thought.   He stepped forward.  The water reached his ankles and he hear the John Williams score in his head.  He fought to replace it with something else, but all he had was The Archer’s theme tune.  He went back to the Jaws music, it was scary but it wasn’t about to die with the Archers Theme in his head. 

He continued forward until the water got to his knees.  He looked down.  He could still see his feet, just about.  He’d once heard it was possible to drown in a teaspoon of water.  Maybe this would be far enough, maybe he didn’t need to go to waistline. 

He took a deep breath. 

“What about the sharks?” A voice called from behind making Phillip jump.

He turned to see the photographer sitting on the pebbles, just a few metres from where they had been standing.

“I thought you’d gone.”

“So I see.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“What sort of a person walks away from another one who confesses to be sad whilst standing at the edge of the ocean?”  

They stared at each other for a moment.  Not knowing what to say and feeling rather foolish Phillip headed toward the man and sat down beside him.  “Fucking pebbles”. He moaned. 

Without saying a word the photographer reached out an arm and wrapped it around Phillip, holding his head in his hand and pulling him gently to his shoulder.  

He didn’t know why, but Phillip let himself be held.  The cardigan ruffled up on the mans shoulder and brushed against his cheek.

And there they sat for just over 40 minutes.  Silently staring out to sea together as the morning sun kept them warm.  

For the second time in his entire life Phillip felt safe in the arms of another person.